Mean People S.U.C.K.
Last year I was lucky enough to become friends with my neighbor. Her four year old son has severe autism. Throughout the last year I have learned a great deal about her son and about autism. I have also learned that this little boy is the luckiest boy - his parents are so wonderful with him, understanding, caring and most of all - patient.Within this year I have also learned how mean people can be and just how many people do not understand autism, nor do they care to.
This week I accompanied my friend to the pharmacy to pick up medication for her son. Her son outwardly looks like every other four year old so I purchased some t-shirts for him that said, "I have autism, please be kind to my mommy and daddy." These shirts have helped in certain situations and that is great. Sometimes it helps people to see that her son is not just an out of control child, there are actual reasons for his various behaviors.
This pharmacy outing was eye opening for me. One particular lady, after watching my friend's son run around haphazardly and watching us attempt to rein him in, looked at my friend and said, "you must have done something very bad in your life to deserve such a terrible child."
My friend is a wonderful person, she simply looked at the lady, smiled and walked away.
I wanted to - well - kick her ass. I know, that isn't a very tactful nor adult thought to have towards an ignorant person, but it is a fact - I wanted to kick her ass. Instead I stood back and simply watched my friend react and I followed her as she walked away.
She deals with this type of ignorance on a daily basis. I makes me sad and it makes me angry. I try to do the positive thing and discuss autism with others when given the opportunity. Even my limited experience and understanding can lead to good conversation and sometimes, others understanding.
I readily admit that before I met my friend and her son - I looked at all 'out of control children' in the same fashion - their parents just weren't controlling them. I do my best to not make such assumptions now. But, I can say that I have never had the type of thought that the lady mentioned above had and then said out loud.
Assuming is bad enough and everyone does it. Verbalizing your assumption makes you mean. Mean people suck. While my friend is a far better person than I am, next time I will not let my mind wander to wanting to kick someones ass (ok, it will, but I will push that thought away) - I will instead attempt to take them aside and attempt to have an educating conversation. It might not do any good, but I can at least attempt to relieve them of their assumptions.
My life has been enlightened and enhanced by knowing my friend and most of all, by knowing her son.
posted by LoveMyTanker @ 9:28 AM
4 Comments:
Thank you for not only posting this but also for caring enough to educate yourself. One of these days I will be able to write about this but I tend to get really angry with people such as you described. My mother, eldest sister, and niece are high functioning autistics as well as my nephew who is a low functioning autistic.
When I was growing up there was not a lot really known about autism or what was different about my Mom and Sister. They were just labeled 'slow' or 'learning challenged'. I have one other sister and neither one of us have autism, nor do our children. I guess it's the luck of the draw in life.
All my life I've seen mean people not only physically and emotionally hurt them but to flat out reject the chance to know and be friends with two of the nicest people I know.
My mother once told me to forgive them because they had no choice about their inability to be kind to others. It's the way they were born. I don't agree because I still wanted to kick their butts but although my Mom wasn't a traditional mother, she loves her family and has taught me many things that other kids were never lucky enough to experience.
I try to remember that conversation in life and I can't tell you how many times or people I have had to go back and apologize to because I treated them unfairly or rude because of something that had totally nothing to do with them and all because I hear my mother repeating that conversation in my head. Most are strangers and some I've never been able to go back and find. But 'I' don't want to be the kind of person my mother was referring to because I believe you DO have a choice.
Thank you for your comments LS - I am grateful for your words.
This made me really upset because my 3 year old son just got diagnosed with autism and i hate it when people look at me like i did something wrong just because he has a tantrum in the middle of the store. Since suspecting that my son had "something" going on in his little mind...i love him so much more because God gave him to me. I have always had a certain fondness for people with "disabliities" ever since i was about 10 and I thank God everyday for giving my son to me. I hope your friend doesnt take anything that the ignorant people in this world say or do heavily.
Tell her good luck with everything! She has a special boy in her life! =)
I can't believe that someone would have the balls to say that to anyone!! I am proud of your friend to be able to turn the other cheek, I would have much like you wanted to kick the lady's (although not so lady like) butt.
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