My Life As A Military Spouse

Busy

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Parental Rights ARE Important

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Funny...

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Free Admission All Summer

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Budget Friendly Monday

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We have visitors.....

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Little things that piss me off.......

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I am -

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DCoE

The Army plans announce in May plans to create what sounds like a social networking site that will bring together soldiers' families and specific communities within the service with the hopes that they will discuss, seemingly, mental health issues that may be common among soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The reason we say "sounds like" and "seemingly" is because that's the only details Brig. Gen. Loree Sutton, the highest ranking psychiatrist in the Army, would give.

Speaking at a breakfast held by Government Executive on health information technology on Thursday, the director of the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury declined to describe what is in a broad agency announcement that is due to be release soon. But she said, "It will be amazing."

Sutton also discussed a push to bring about a cultural transformation in the Army so that soldiers and officers will seek help for post traumatic stress disorder and mental issues brought about by traumatic brain injuries, including concussions and shocks to the brain from explosions. "We're coming into the ninth year of this [Iraq] conflict, and it's clear we are in uncharted territory," she said. "We are at a cross-section of history. In the context of this, we are just now learning about the brain and we are moving away from the Cartesian view of it being separated here and our body and spiritual selves here. Now we know from young troops that it is all integrated. . . . We're doing things we've never done before."

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Budget Friendly Monday

Five Common Car-Buying Mistakes

Free sample of Enfamil baby formula

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Scams

U.S. Strategic Command officials are urging renewed vigilance against Internet-based identity theft after detecting a widespread “phishing” expedition against servicemembers.

Phishing is a term used to describe deceiving people into divulging personal information such as passwords or account numbers over the Internet.

Beginning as early as May 2009 and lasting as late as March 2010, numerous fraudulent e-mails were sent to financial customers of USAA and Navy Federal Credit Union, Stratcom officials said in a recent news release.

The e-mails, which appear to originate from USAA and the credit union, ask the recipient to provide or verify personal information such as name and rank, account numbers, date of birth, mother’s maiden name, address and phone numbers, online account user name and password, credit card numbers, personal identification numbers for automated tellers, and Social Security numbers.

“While these e-mails may appear to be legitimate, it’s important to remember USAA and Navy Federal Credit Union will never ask for [personal identification] or to verify financial institution data via e-mail,” the Stratcom release says.

Although the e-mails have official-looking logos, headers and signature blocks, “these are all common cyber espionage ‘spear-phishing’ tactics used to trick recipients,” it says.

USAA posted a notice on its website May 4 warning of the phishing attempt.

Phishing scams can reach servicemembers not only through personal e-mail accounts, but also through their official e-mail. Air Force Gen. Kevin P. Chilton, Stratcom commander, told the House Armed Services Committee in March that every commander needs to focus on keeping networks secure.

“It should be the focus of every commander in the field, the health and status of their networks, just as they’re focused on the health and status of their people, their tanks, their airplanes, their ships, because the networks are so critical,” he said. “So, changing their conduct, training them and then holding people accountable for their behavior on the network is important.”

The Defense Department is home to some 7 million computers and more than 15,000 local and regional area networks, Stratcom officials said. The networks are scanned millions of times per day and probed thousands of times per day, with a frequency and sophistication that is increasing exponentially, they said.

The intrusions come from a variety of sources with different intentions, from individual hackers intent on theft and vandalism, to espionage by foreign governments and adversaries, they said.

“This is, indeed, our big challenge in U.S. Strategic Command as we think about how we’re going to defend and secure the networks,” they said.

Stratcom officials offered these suggestions to keep your personal information safe:

-- Always protect your personal identification and be cautious whom you provide it to, especially by phone or Internet;

-- Be suspicious of any unsolicited e-mail, pop-up, website or phone call in which you are asked to provide personal information;

-- Cross-reference information with the official sites, looking for the “https” secure connection.

-- Do not click on any link provided in a suspicious e-mail, and take caution in opening e-mail attachments or downloading files, regardless of who sends them;

-- Keep your personal computer’s anti-virus, anti-spyware, firewall and other security software running and up to date;

-- Regularly review your bank statements for suspicious activity.

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Reaching Out to Military Widows

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Survey

Make your voice heard by taking the 2010 Military Family Lifestyle Survey. Blue Star Families is conducting this survey in partnership with many prominent military and service organizations, including the USO, Military.com, the American Red Cross, the National Military Family Association, the National Guard Association of the United States, the VFW, the Military Spouse Corporate Career Network, Be the Change, the Military Child Education Coalition, the Blue Shield of California Foundation, the Veterans Innovation Center, the Armed Services YMCA, the Reserve Officers Association, Operation Homefront, the Military Officers Association of America, and Military Spouse Magazine. We want to hear the top issues affecting your military family and we want your ideas for improving the lives of military families. One lucky participant will win $300 and three others could win $1,000 each in the innovation contest! The survey runs until June 1st. You can access the survey here.

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Budget Friendly Monday

Living on One Income

Dump the insurance on your clunker

How To Protect Your Family From Estate Tax Uncertainty

Unused credit cards can hurt you

The Secret To Picking A Better Real Estate Agent

Dumbest Things You Do With Your Money

Kate Spade Coupon

Warren Buffett creates cartoon to teach kids

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Military Spouse Appreciation Day

On May 7, 2010, the Army will pay tribute to military spouses through recognition, shared stories, and internal media coverage, by acknowledging that military spouses are the backbone of the Families who support our Soldiers. They are essential to the strength of the nation. For more than 235 years, spouses have supported their Soldiers on the field and on the home front. In the 19th century, the Army protected settlers moving west. Army spouses braved the journey and life on the frontier to be with their Soldiers. When relocating, they rode ox- or horse-drawn carts and wagons and, sometimes, even walked. They confronted harsh climate, disease, and attack while coping with military life. Today’s Army spouses still confront many challenges. In the 21st century, the Army has a global presence in eighty countries.

Twenty-six years ago, President Ronald Reagan signed a proclamation officially recognizing Military Spouse Day. The commemoration is held the Friday before Mother’s Day every year to show appreciation for the sacrifices of military spouses. In 2007, the Army, through the Assistant Chief of Staff for Installation Management (ACSIM), instituted the Army Family Covenant and the Army Community Covenant, in part to recognize the commitment and increasing sacrifices Army Families make every day and to acknowledge the strength of our Soldiers comes from the strength of their Families. The Army is committed to improving Family readiness through better funding of programs, better health care, housing, schools, youth services, childcare, education and employment opportunities. Army spouses are community leaders, careerists, mothers, fathers, and Soldiers. Spouses routinely put the welfare of their Soldier, Family, and nation above their own. After almost a decade at war and multiple deployments, our Active, Army Reserve, and National Guard spouses unconditionally continue to support America’s Army. The strength of our Soldiers comes from the strength of their Families. Thanks to all our military spouses for their countless contributions and sacrifices!

posted by LoveMyTanker @ 6:40 AM 0 comments

Military Husbands, Stay-at-Home Dads

A September 2008 Defense Manpower Data Center report shows women make up 14 percent of the U.S. active duty force; out of the 1.6 million servicemembers who have deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq, more than 200,000 are women. War deployments are stressful — and might be even more challenging for husbands left behind, according to Morton Ender, a military sociologist and professor at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, N.Y.

“For generations, it’s been men who go off to war,” says Ender. “More importantly, it’s been men who get a paycheck.”

According to naval officials, of the approximately 195,000 married Navy members, more than half of the 21,000 married Navy women are wed to civilian stay-at-home dads. Across the services, civilian dads are estimated to make up between 6 percent and 10 percent of the spouse population.

“When a husband is a civilian and the wife is in the military, it can confuse the breadwinner and gender roles,” Ender says, “especially if the husband has no prior experience [as a stay-at-home parent].”

Male disconnect

Chuck Sheppard believes he cannot be a good dad unless he is the breadwinner. “I have to be out there in the workforce making money,” says Sheppard. “Mentally it’s a wringer, especially when one of my kids becomes ill and I don’t know where to turn.”

Many dads coping with deployment can be reluctant to seek help. Dr. Aaron Rochlen, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, suggests talking about needs and frustrations with family or friends. But according to Ender, “Husbands left behind often don’t feel comfortable sharing the burden with each other or anyone else.”

Sue Hoppin, an Air Force spouse and a former deputy director for MOAA’s Spouse Outreach, sees the need to implement new programs to assist stay-at-home male spouses. Until more programs are put in place, Hoppin recommends contacting Army Community Service staff for family and health issues.

Although family readiness groups (FRGs) are available, they are female-oriented.
A challenge for male spouses is finding others dealing with the same thing to connect with.

Another civilian dad, Andrew Willis works at naval docks while his wife is in Afghanistan but wonders if he is doing a good job with his 18-month-old son. “We get overlooked,” says Willis. “There are no male spouse groups to assist dads who take care of the kids.”

Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift (Beacon Press, 2009), suggests at-home dads should try to make time for themselves by meeting weekly with a men’s group.

“People know how to treat a civilian wife but not a civilian husband,” says Ender. When Willis’ wife returns from deployment, he feels socially misplaced. “When everyone in the unit celebrates homecoming, it’s just me and a bunch of [civilian] women or military men.”

When social functions occur, it seems most female military spouses don’t know what to do with a male military spouse. Some are reluctant to befriend him because people might assume more than just a friendship is occurring.

Willis and his wife discussed before they married that she might have to deploy. Now he wonders whether he is doing the right thing. “I use day care a lot,” he says. “It’s the only way I can survive.”

A need for new programs

Amy Street, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Women’s Health Sciences Division of the National Center for PTSD, assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine, and director of the Education and Training Division of the VA’s Office of Mental Health Services National Military Sexual Trauma Support Team, says “Understanding differences [in male and female spouse experiences] should help, and it really informs us about the type of programs we need to create.”

As more family and spouse groups become aware of these needs, more programs will be implemented. “We have to work harder at being parents and partners,” says Willis.

In the meantime, veterinarian and Army spouse Paul Breckinridge has not seen an effort by the Army to meet the need of male spouses. Dolores Johnson, director of family programs for the Army, admits, “It is a challenge for the male to integrate.” Although FRGs exist to provide mutual support for both male and female stay-at-home spouses, the truth is they are comprised mostly of women.

Mr. Mom

For Tech. Sgt. Kevin Johnson, USAF, whose wife, Air Force Master Sgt. Lekisha, is deployed in Afghanistan as an operating room technician, the routine suggests different challenges as he raises their 14-year-old daughter, Tia, while living on Nellis AFB, Nev. Because Kevin was handling most of the household cooking before his wife deployed, he was comfortable preparing meals for the family. He admits taking on the roles of cook, nurse, house cleaner, and disciplinarian can be overwhelming.

“I don’t feel comfortable in the supermarket,” Kevin admits. “Besides, I don’t have time to grocery shop.” His solution to grocery shopping is ordering from Prime Foods, a national food distributor. Tia assists with selecting about $300 of groceries and household items every three months. Prime Foods gives the family a freezer to store the foods.

“We make special meals like chicken Alfredo and broiled fish dinners,” says Kevin. “Once in a while we go out to eat at Olive Garden.”

Although Kevin attends PTA meetings, he does not want to join any support groups. “There aren’t any male support groups,” he says. “I’m really not too comfortable with other people.”

Kevin admits being uncomfortable attending PTA meetings. “I try to give Tia a secure feeling,” he says. “While my wife has a job over there, I’ve got one to do here. This way of living makes me appreciate everything so much more.”

A major challenge is keeping Tia from watching the news. “That only makes her worry about her mother,” says Kevin.

On thing that hasn’t changed is his daily schedule, which gives Tia a strong sense of security. Every morning, Kevin wakes up at 4 a.m. and prepares breakfast while Tia gets ready for school. After Kevin braids Tia’s hair, he takes a picture and e-mails it to his wife. “It gives her hope,” he says. “We do a lot of texting and also have a weekly morale call.”

Balancing act

When Army Master Sgt. Carmela Wong was deployed to Afghanistan, she left her husband, Army Master Sgt. Terry Wong, to care for their son, Jacob, who is autistic, and two daughters, Jennifer, 10, and Jessica, 22, a college student.

“It’s a culture shock,” Terry admits. “The major challenge is trying to balance work and family and maintaining the house while my wife is on a 12-month deployment. It’s a bit unnerving to realize I am 100-percent responsible for the safety, education, and just simply the lives of my three children.”

While military wives check in with each other, very few of them check on male military spouses. “Gender differences create major roadblocks in connecting and forging friendships through spouse groups,” says psychotherapist Dr. Lani Leary. “We should not assume that one size fits all for military spouse groups. Groups that meet to talk and discuss feelings may not meet the male spouse’s need for camaraderie and activity.”

Terry begins the day at 6 a.m., rousting Jacob, then Jennifer. After breakfast, the bus comes to pick up Jacob, and Jennifer heads off to school. Sometimes, when Jacob becomes disruptive at school, Terry leaves work to pick him up.

“It isn’t easy to get kids to tell you what’s bothering them,” says Terry. “When Carmela calls, Jacob talks a lot to his mother. He tells me it makes him feel good because he worries about her.”

Though these families’ situations differ, one idea remains constant: The focus is on togetherness. They shop together, even go roller-skating and plan meals and cook together. “Suppertime is enjoyable, but when bedtime arrives, it brings another empty feeling. And I know going to sleep with be tough without Carmela, but tomorrow will be better.”

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'Hire Military Spouses'

The Civilian Personnel Management Services recently launched the 2010 Military Spouse Intern Program and is looking for 120 military spouses to help fill these positions.

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NMFA Updates

The National Military Family Association would like to inform our readers about an upcoming Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury’s (DCoE) monthly webinar. The purpose of their webinars is to provide information and engage conversation around a variety of topics. On May 27th, DCoE is hosting a webinar on “Addressing Trauma, Grief and Loss in Military Children.” As you know, our Association has been working on raising awareness about this issue through our research and testimony, along with working with organizations such as DCoE and Sesame Street on solutions.

This webinar will explore strategies to help our military service members and their families deal with difficult conversations with their children about deployment, injury, and death. One successful tactic that will be discussed is DCoE’s work with the Sesame Workshop in producing “Talk Listen Connect Phase III: Helping Families with Young Children Cope with the Death of a Loved One.” Speakers for the webinar are Dr. Jeanette Betancourt, Ed.D, the Vice President, Outreach and Educational Practices for Sesame Workshop and CAPT Russell Shilling, Ph.D., MSC, USN, Executive Director of Science & Technology for DCoE.

If you are interested in participating, you can register at: DCoE.MonthlyWebinar@tma.osd.mil.

In late April Inova Health System’s Military to Medicine Program announced the program will provide health care training and career opportunities to military families across the country. Military to Medicine began as a recruitment initiative in partnership with the Army Reserve Employer Partnership Office and the Department of Defense in 2008. Now, the program is extending its services nationwide to more fully support the nation’s military families while also addressing the national health care workforce shortage.

"We're honored to offer healthcare training and career opportunities nationwide to the extended military family, including military spouses, wounded warriors and other service members transitioning to civilian employment," said Daniel Nichols, Executive Director, Military to Medicine. "There are more than 650,000 military spouses [living] in the U.S. Nearly 80 percent of these spouses want a career, but frequent relocations make this difficult. We're here to make sure they have the training and skills necessary for portable careers in healthcare."

In its first year, Military to Medicine served 1,200 members of the extended military family. These numbers are expected to jump to 3,200 in 2010, and expansion plans mean that the program could provide services to as many as 30,000 in coming years. Military to Medicine serves military spouses, wounded warriors and their caregivers, veterans, National Guard and Reserve and their spouses, and service members transitioning to civilian employment. To view the national launch webcast or for more information, visit: http://www.militarytomedicine.org/.

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Budget Friendly Monday

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Soldiers are an internet hit

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